Soul
by holycitygirl
Summary: "I wonder if he has ever allowed anyone else to see the side of him I'm seeing now. I wonder if anyone else even suspects he has a soul. I see it clearly in moments like these."


Title: Soul  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own. I merely admire and borrow.  
  
Summary: Clark and Lex enjoy each other. Not as slashy as it sounds.  
  
Song Credit: Matchbox Twenty/More than you think you are/Soul  
  
A/N: I never get much input on my Smallville fics. But I enjoy the characters so much I'm going to keep writing. I hope the few of you who enjoy them as well-enjoy this. And forgive me for not being smutty. I love smut. I'm just not uber good at writing it. I'm going to be one day. Also - this is the second piece I've written with a MB20 MTYTYA song. If you like this go read my two part fic Here and Now. Please :) I take song fics seriously. The song says as much as the story does to express what I am trying to say.   
  
-Hang out my window  
  
Over your head  
  
Stare at your feelings   
  
To see where they end-  
  
Sitting here in his bedroom he feels as if he should feel comfortable. Bedrooms are supposed to be a sanctuary. They are supposed to offer refuge to their inhabitants. Rest, safety, these were things that normal people felt when in their own rooms. Lex Luther was not normal. So was it any wonder he didn't feel the sense of peace within his own walls? No, no these were not his walls. They were his fathers. They belonged to countless other Luther men before him.   
  
-You're waiting here  
  
For someone else to break you  
  
From the inside  
  
You've been so composed  
  
But we all know-  
  
He tried to disregard his father. His constant disapproval and machinations had been apart of his life since he was five. He tried to conquer his past. He considered himself well adjusted to his horrible upbringing. He was determined to create his own destiny. But on nights like this, when some outside source had triggered his melancholy he admitted, if only to himself, that he was afraid of failing.   
  
-There's always something   
  
Tearing you apart  
  
It's always so much longer  
  
Then you counted on  
  
And it hits you so much harder than  
  
You thought  
  
But don't you worry  
  
Don't you worry   
  
Cause you got soul-  
  
There was only one reason he feared his dark side. Before that reason he had almost resigned himself to that fate. He had made key decisions leading him toward that path. But then he met Clark Kent. Clark was his opposite. He possessed so much hope. And Lex found himself enjoying that. He had never met anyone like Clark before. He was a mystery in more ways than one and Lex found him compelling. He wanted to know everything about him. He wanted to share as well. He wanted Clark to accept him. He thought he might need it. And when Clark seemed eager to do that he knew a happiness immeasurable. A happiness he could only find when in his arms.  
  
-You're so heavy  
  
You're so misunderstood  
  
I spent all my wishes   
  
Wishin times were good  
  
When I still could-  
  
He watches Lex and wonders how someone could look so uncomfortable in his own room. It seems these days that Lex's father disapproves more of Clark and his friendship than even his own father. And tensions had been high at the plant and this house because of it. He worries sometimes that Lex will fold. That he will give in to his father's demands and sever ties with the simple farm boy. But the only time Lex ever finds release is in his presence. He takes comfort in that. He knows the man is tougher than he looks. He is capable of standing up to his father, his "destiny" as he puts it. But he can't help but wish it weren't so hard.   
  
-Wait around here  
  
For someone else to take me   
  
Past the good side  
  
You've been here so long now-  
  
He still doesn't realize I'm here and I manage to get my arms completely around him before he reacts. I place my chin in the nook of his neck and enfold him in my arms tightly. His response is instant, relaxing and melding into me further. I trace my palms up and down his forearms watching the fabric of his dark blue shirt wrinkle under them. He always allows me this luxury. The ability to mess up his world. I create a chaos previously unknown to him. He is used to manipulation and conflict, this kind of chaos he can handle. But with my love and hidden truths (lies, I do not wish to call them but they are the same) I throw him curve balls. He is a survivor though so he always swings. And moments like this when he finally looks comfortable I think we have hit a homerun.  
  
-We all know  
  
There's always something  
  
Tearing you apart  
  
It's always so much longer  
  
Than you counted on  
  
And it hits you so much harder  
  
Than you thought-  
  
He watches my hands as well. I wonder if he is thinking what I am. I wonder if he has ever allowed anyone else to see the side of him I'm seeing now. I wonder if anyone else even suspects he has a soul. I see it clearly in moments like these. Whatever melancholy has descended has removed the shades from his eyes. He is unguarded. I kiss his shoulder and place my nose against his naked scalp. He takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers the way we will later entwine our bodies. But for now the moment is about comfort. I want him to know that I am here for him. I will not let him fight alone. And we will not lose.   
  
-But you don't worry  
  
You don't worry  
  
Cause darlin you got so much soul  
  
Darlin you got so much soul  
  
You got soul- 


End file.
